Hi! Once again a newsletter is coming your way. Hope you enjoy and also learn something. Ian, aka Slippy, has sent in the second instalment for creating your own webpage. I have been following his suggestions and had amazing results. I didn't think I would ever be able to create anything. Have fun and try it.

Ms.Boots

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This was sent in BearbunYan. Read and then decide what you will do!

http://www.cnet.com/Content/Reports/Trends/Nethoaxes/ss04.html Check this first...Congressional vote on allowing long distance charges for each Internet dial-in to all E-mailers,The House has a bill set up for a vote ASAP on whether to charge long-distance charges for Internet access even if you dial-up locally. This is something that affects each of us. Please read and forward:Congress will be voting in less than two weeks. CNN stated that the Government would, in two weeks time, decide to allow or not allow a charge to your phone bill equal to a Long Distance call EACH time you access the Internet.The address is http://www.house.gov/ If you choose, visit the address above and fill out the necessary form!If EACH one of us, forwards this message on to others in a hurry, we may be able to prevent this injustice from happening!
PLEASE PASS THIS ON!!!

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Hi ya'll here's part 2 of the 'HOW to Create your own Website' series.

Hope it goes well!! I'm happy for people to mail me if they get problems.

BIG HUG!! IAN aka Slippy!!

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Thanks Cuddlybear! I love these.

Does this remind you of when you were a kid.

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A priest is walking down the street one day when he notices a very small boy trying to press a doorbell on a house across the street.

However, the boy is very short and the doorbell is too high for him to reach.

After watching the boy's efforts for some time, the priest moves closer to the boy's position.

He steps smartly across the street, walks up behind the little fellow and, placing his hand kindly on the child's shoulder leans over and gives the doorbell a solid ring.

Crouching down to the child's level, the priest smiles benevolently and asks, "And now what, my little man?"

To which the boy replies, "Now we run!"

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See what you can learn at the theater.

EVERYTHING I EVER NEEDED TO KNOW, I LEARNED AT THE MOVIES:
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1. Large, loft-style apartments in New York City are well within the price range of most people-whether they are employed or not.

2. At least one of a pair of identical twins is born evil.

3. Should you decide to defuse a bomb, don't worry which wire to cut. You will always choose the right one.

4. Most laptop computers are powerful enough to override the communications system of any invading alien society.

5. It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts-your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one by dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessors.

6. When you turn out the light to go to bed, everything in your bedroom will still be clearly visible, just slightly bluish.

7. If you are blonde and pretty, it is possible to become a world expert on nuclear fission at the age of 22.

8. Honest and hard working policemen are traditionally gunned down three days before their retirement.

9. Rather than wasting bullets, megalomaniacs prefer to kill their archenemies using complicated machinery involving fuses, pulley systems, deadly gasses, lasers, and man-eating sharks, which will allow their captives at least 20 minutes to escape.

10. During all police investigations, it will be necessary to visit a strip club at least once.

11. All beds have special L-shaped cover sheets that reach up to the armpit level on a woman but only to waist level on the man lying beside her.

12. All grocery shopping bags contain at least one stick of French bread.

13. It's easy for anyone to land a plane providing there is someone in the control tower to talk you down.

14. Once applied, lipstick will never rub off-even while scuba diving.

15. You're very likely to survive any battle in any war unless you make the mistake of showing someone a picture of your sweetheart back home.

16. Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German or Russian officer, it will not be necessary to speak the language. A German or Russian accent will do. (It used to be an English accent for the German).

17. The Eiffel Tower can be seen from any window in Paris.

18. A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds.

19. If a large pane of glass is visible, someone will be thrown through it before long.

20. If staying in a haunted house, women will investigate any strange noises in their most revealing underwear.

21. Word processors never display a cursor on screen but will always say: Enter Password Now.

22. Even when driving down a perfectly straight road, it is necessary to turn the steering wheel vigorously from left to right every few moments.

23. All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red readouts so you know exactly when they're going to go off.

24. A detective can only solve a case once he has been suspended from duty.

25. If you decide to start dancing in the street, everyone you meet will know all the steps.

26. Police departments give their officers personality tests to make sure they are deliberately assigned a partner who is their total opposite.

27. When they are alone, all foreign military officers prefer to speak to each other in English.

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Hiya Bootsie,
Here's a good one for the newsletter.

Click Here to download madcow.exe


LOL
from Kiwi

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I thought that you would enjoy this one.

Hoping to see you soon, Meta ;-)

Subject: Haiku

Sony has announced its own computer operating system now available on its hot new portable PC called the Vaio. Instead of producing the cryptic error messages characteristic of Microsoft's Windows 95, 3.1, and DOS operating systems, Sony's chairman Asai Tawara said, "We intend to capture the high ground by putting a human, Japanese face on what has been - until now - an operating system that reflects Western cultural hegemony.

For example, we have replaced the impersonal and unhelpful Microsoft error messages with our own Japanese haiku poetry. The chairman went on to give examples of Sony's new error messages:

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A file that big?

It might be very useful.

But now it is gone.

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The Web site you seek

cannot be located but

endless others exist

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Chaos reigns within.

Reflect, repent, and reboot.

Order shall return.

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ABORTED effort:

Close all that you have.

You ask way too much.

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Yesterday it worked

Today it is not working

Windows is like that.

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First snow, then silence.

This thousand dollar screen dies

so beautifully.

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With searching comes loss

and the presence of absence:

"My Novel" not found.

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The Tao that is seen

Is not the true Tao, until

You bring fresh toner.

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Windows NT crashed.

I am the Blue Screen of Death.

No one hears your screams.

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Stay the patient course

Of little worth is your ire

The network is down

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A crash reduces

your expensive computer

a simple stone.

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Three things are certain:

Death, taxes, and lost data

Guess which has occurred.

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You step in the stream,

but the water has moved on.

This page is not here.

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Out of memory.

We wish to hold the whole sky,

But we never will.

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Having been erased,

The document you're seeking

Must now be retyped.

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Serious error.

All shortcuts have disappeared.

Screen. Mind. Both are blank

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I was sent this little tidbit and thought I would pass it on. Hope you enjoy!

Subject: Jesus knocking

All Ears
A nurse on the pediatric ward, before listening to the little ones' chests would plug the stethoscope into their ears and let them listento their own hearts. Their eyes would always light up with awe. But she never got a response to equal four year old David's.Gently he tucked the stethoscope in his ears and placed the disk over his heart. "Listen", she said, "What do you suppose that is?" He drew his eyebrows together in a puzzled line and looked up as if lost in the mystery of the strange tap-tap-tapping deep in his chest.Then his face broke out in a wondrous grin."Is that Jesus knocking?" he asked.

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